Friday, 10 May 2013

Moving on... Or not

The past two weeks have been hectic. Life seems to have kicked back in, but in a curious new shape governed by cancer.

In the "normality" corner we have a long weekend in the West Country with my in-laws, doing normal stuff like playing on the beach and sitting in the sunshine. Everyone - me included - relaxes. This is what life should be like.

In the "cancer" corner we have a colonoscopy to check out the bit that wasn't clear on the scanner. My oncologist finished the last consultation by telling me that she, my surgeon and her usual radiologist would discuss what they wanted to do at the next MDT, and she would call me. Unusually for her, she didn't, so the first I knew was the surgeon's secretary calling me to arrange a full colonoscopy. Good job I'm not a panicker... The surgeon's secretary is marvellous, not only fitting me in quickly but arranging things so that I don't have to do two days bowel prep but can "clear out" (ahem) on the ward on the day. This is important as the procedure is the day after we get back from the West Country and five hours in the inevitable Bank Holiday traffic jams whilst trying to deal with the effects of a dose of Picolax just doesn't appeal somehow.

The procedure is routine and he finds nothing alarming. There's one tiny nodule that he biopsies but nothing more than that. Back to see him in a month for results.

There is also an assessment by the Occupational Health doctor. My Mum takes me as the colonoscopy was the previous day and the sedative is still in my system. Frankly it could have been done on the phone, as all we do is chat. He asks very general questions about fatigue and emotional state, then declares that there is no medical reason I can't go back to work on reduced hours, with a mix of office and home working. I have to explain to him the peripheral neuropathy problems and the memory/cognitive capability problems.

This is good news and bad news. Good news because I do want to get back to work; bad news because I'm not sure how this is going to work. The day after I see Occ Health I'm so tired I can't think straight. There's so much to do without being at work that I can't see how it's all going to get done now, never mind when I'm trying to work as well. Nothing I've tried shakes this low - not choir, not gym, nothing. Maybe sleep will help...

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