Scanxiety

Tomorrow is it. The first scan. Thankfully the consultant is seeing me on Thursday so I don't have long to wait.

It's now that I want to ask questions about tumour grading and staging, long term prognosis, recurrence rates. They weren't so relevant when I was actively being treated - I placed my life in my oncologist's hands - but now I want to know what the chances are that this will get me in the end. That this will leave my two babies motherless and my husband all on his own. I want to cry just thinking about it, not for me but for them.

I am, however, on the train heading out to watch the London Marathon. Thousands of people running, millions of pounds raised for charities including cancer charities. One of my closest friends is running for Runners 4 Cancer, so me and lots of friends are cheering her on.

The sun is out, the sky is blue, the Boston Marathon bombers haven't stopped this party, and I ain't dead yet. So today I'll try to put it all to one side.